by Faissal Farooq Mir
Over the past years, the valley of Kashmir is going through a government job mania. Though many doomster op-ed pieces and posts have been coming out of the valley in the past. You will find most of these anecdotes, men and women are getting hitched up by seeing benefits rather conscience and moral values. And these marriages soaked with greed have fattened into what is being described as a matter of grave concern with serious repercussions.
Since Kashmir is a Muslim majority state and marriage is a part of faith. It is a part of the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon him. So if we want to have healthy Muslim families then “Deen” has to be first. It must be acknowledged in our thoughts and actions. Therefore there is a criterion for selecting a marriage partner.
Normally the criterion for selecting matrimonial mates are many: wealth, beauty, rank, character, congeniality, compatibility, religion, caste and handsome job etc. But Prophet Muhammad – peace be upon you, recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (Deen) and character.
Having said that we as a Muslim majority are doing a complete opposite. Our selection for a groom is merely restricted to the government job. Taking the past marriages of Kashmir into consideration parents/elders were playing an important role in choosing the spouses. And they were involving a third party as well.
That third party was also helping to verify if the person you are interested in is decent, honest and respectful. These person(s) often checks references about the individual’s character and behavior and looks out for your best interest in general. But when we have restricted our selection to a government job. We actually turn a vision-less eye to his other activities. Though it is a good fortune if we can find a groom having government job along with the good character. Having a handsome job but not a good character leads to terrible consequences.
If you want a successful marriage, marry a person who already has a good character, not the potential who maybe/perhaps/someday evolve in the man of your dreams.
Why does character matter? Because life is hard and you need someone who does the right thing even when it’s not convenient. Not someone who has potential to do the right thing someday down the road. We as a brother, as a father or whatever, advise considering character and values above all else, including physical attractiveness and chemistry.
On the other hand, choosing a well-mannered man rather a man with a government job only leads to curtailing the other evils like dowry, expensive receptions, unnecessary rituals and customs etc. Moreover, the wedding becomes affordable for economic weaker families as well.
I must be the one to suggest to the parents and caretakers, not to marry your daughters to the grooms having government jobs only. It has been observed the main and basic demand from the bride’s side has always been a government job. Since the majority of families still have a conservative set-up among their family system, it is unacceptable for them to accept a boy who is working at a private firm. This mindset will create another shadow of uncertainty.
Even though a well-mannered, educated men without a government job fell into despair and they think that not having a government job is a curse in Kashmir. In fact successive governments have failed to create enormous job opportunities in the valley that is adding up to miseries as well.
The nuisance of government jobs has created a huge vacuum in our society, for that we must need to rejuvenate our ideas in order to eradicate this social depravity.
Faissal Farooq Mir is an emerging writer from Kashmir. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.