Sex is a part of a relationship, but it’s not the foundation.

Okay, hear me out: You should try your best to wait until you’re married to have sex.

“What?! That’s such an outdated idea! Nobody does that anymore!”

Actually, more people than you might think have come to the conclusion that it’s better to wait until marriage to have sex because there are a lot of good reasons for it. The wait-til-marriage norm of the past didn’t just come out of thin air — it was the result of the earned wisdom of many, many generations of people who realized it had a lot of benefits for singles and couples.

Here’s why.

You’ll weed out guys who don’t care about you

A lot of people today are just seeking instant gratification from their relationships. They want to be in relationships just for sex, with no strings attached or expectation of a long-term commitment.

Holding off on sex helps you to see if a guy is actually interested in a long-term relationship. It also helps you to see clearly whether the guy you’re dating is with you for the right reasons. If he’s into the idea of waiting, that’s a good sign he’s not just interested in using you or fulfilling some hedonistic desires. It shows he respects you and likes you for more than your body: your intellect, sense of humor, talents, etc.

You’ll build a strong relationship foundation

A relationship needs to be built on a foundation of shared values and vision. Sex is a part of a relationship, but it’s not the foundation. When you take sex off the table, you can more clearly see if the two of you are truly compatible. Otherwise, you will cloud your judgment and have a harder time assessing character. Our bodies make a lot of bonding chemicals when we have sex, which can trick us into thinking we’re connected to someone more deeply than we actually are. If you hold off on sex, it will make it much easier to truly get to know the person you’re with.

Waiting helps you practice self-control

Waiting is a good way to practice self-control and personal boundaries. The beauty of self-control is that you can apply it to many other areas of your life! Making a choice and sticking to it is what it means to have conviction. Conviction is about being self-assured and doing the right thing. Waiting is great practice for setting boundaries for yourself, which is an essential practice for all other areas of your life. Saying “no” now makes room for a much stronger “yes” later.

You won’t take intimacy for granted

One time, I went camping in the woods of Big Sur for a week, and when I came back I was so grateful to have running water. I was struck by how the absence of any plumbing in the wilderness made me appreciate it so much more when I finally had it again! When you go without something for an amount of time, the contrast of finally having it makes you a lot more grateful for it. Otherwise, you might not even realize you’d been taking it for granted. Sacrificing something in the present for the future makes you appreciate it that much more.

Waiting makes your marriage more meaningful

Sex is the consummation of a relationship, not the basis of it. It’s not for no reason that consummating a marriage is a deeply-rooted tradition in every culture. It cements your relationship and holds you together.

There are several studies that show waiting makes married sex better. A 2010 study of over 2,000 married couples found that waiting led to more satisfying sex lives after marriage. Couples also reported that their marriages were more stable and satisfying than couples who had sex early in their relationship.

Closing thoughts

There’s a lot of value in waiting to have sex until marriage, and it was a social norm for a long time because it led to many benefits. It’s an opportunity to deepen your relationship with both yourself and your partner.

Article first published in Evie Magazine.

According to a 2016 survey by the United Nations, there were roughly 5000 new infections between the years 2010 and 2016, adding up to the total of 66 thousand people living with HIV. However, some estimates claim that there may be over 100 thousand Iranians suffering from HIV, highlighting significant discrepancies between official statistics and reality.

The AIDS epidemic in Iran has a significant drug-related dimension. Being part of the Golden Crescent, a region spanning Afghanistan, Iran and Pakistan with prominent illicit opium production, Iran has served as a pathway for drug traffickers in the shipping of narcotics from Afghanistan to Europe.

While the Iranian government does not treat drug trafficking lightly, the illegal drug trade has fueled the country’s growing problems with drug addiction.

According to a survey carried out by the Iranian Drug Control Organization, there are about 2.8 million Iranians who regularly use narcotics. Out of those, roughly 67 percent take heroin as their primary drug.

The widespread availability of heroin and other opiates, which are often taken intravenously, has served as an important vector spreading AIDS/HIV among drug addicts, with UN statistics claiming that 9.3 percent of Iranian drug addicts currently have HIV.

While there have been efforts undertaken by the government to promote the use of clean needles and other practices targeting the spread of AIDS/HIV among drug users, the country’s policy against addicts has sometimes been called a “vicious cycle”.

According to Mohammad Bakhshandeh, the chief of the Drug Police of Greater Tehran, the problem is largely caused by ineffective policies which treat drug addicts as criminals, rather than victims of addiction.

“If we have accepted the fact that addicts are not criminals and consider them as sick individuals, we should also accept that it is the duty of municipal and health departments to look after them, not the police’s,” Bakhshandeh said. In turn, HIV has entered Iranian prisons, with roughly 1 percent of Iran’s prisoners now suffering from HIV.

However, more than ever before, there has been a steady increase in HIV transmission rates through unprotected sexual intercourse, rather than intravenous drug use. This is not limited only to Iranian sex workers, where up to 2 percent of all sex workers suffer from HIV, but to the younger generation in general.

Indeed, whereas about 70 percent of sex workers suffering from HIV know their status, only 41 of the general population suffering from HIV are aware of their condition. Similarly, the country’s treatment services have also delivered lackluster results, with only 13 percent of HIV-positive individual having suppressed viral loads as part of treatment.

This has been particularly problematic for the younger generation. According to Parvin Afsar Kazerouni, the head of the Health Ministry’s AIDS department, more than 50 percent of HIV patients in Iran are between 21 and 35.

Although the government continues to blame illegal drug use as the chief source of HIV transmission, unprotected sexual intercourse is becoming a significant factor.

This can be partly explained through the lack of sexual education program offered to Iran’s youth, with only 18 percent of Iranian youth aged between 15-24 knowing about HIV prevention.

The government’s inability to provide well-rounded sexual education to its young population highlights an equally difficult challenge to the regime’s fundamentalist character.

While drug addiction and prostitution continue to be deemed as “social problems”, the ostracized nature of HIV-positive individuals in the general public presents an immensely problematic issue, which effectively prevents the possibility to educate individuals on HIV and living with an HIV-positive status.

In turn, this ineffective policy may lead to the further spread of this disease, particularly to at risk group such as gay men who already retain a highly stigmatized position in Iranian society, as well as to other segments of the Iranian population.

Article first published on RadioFarda