by Dr. Umme-Talhah Zareena
Marriage needs work at every phase. Little efforts now and then.
Married life is a great blessing from God Almighty but the real challenge is to keep the life smooth and healthy. Below is the checklist a married couple has to always keep in mind while going through the thick and thin of life-challenges.
Respect
It’s a very big factor in married life. There should always be respect between adults. There is unspoken boundaries that neither of them should cross. One such is insulting parents of each other during arguments.
Degrading each other with hurtful words , however time passes but the memory remains.
Understanding
To know a subject or how a thing works, we make efforts to understand it. We are least bothered about things that are insignificant to us.
Invest a small portion of your time to understand them, to know where they are coming from. Something might seem irrational to you but could mean the world to them.
A little understanding and a little compromise goes a long way.
Take turns in being strong
It is wrong to expect maturity from one spouse in all situations. If the spouse who usually is more matured but at times seems vulnerable or not up to a situation, don’t belittle them, it’s your turn to be strong and kind.
Pacifying
We need to put our egos aside in relationships. Every human being likes to be cared, pampered and valued. Sometimes all needed is a hug and a listening ear to relieve a burdened heart.
A little coaxing, tiny efforts in cheering them up when they feel low boosts the love like nothing else.
It’s unfair to always expect the other person to come forward for making up after quarrels or fights.
Sometimes we need to initiate that process.
Forgiveness
It makes the relationship easy going. Forgiving each other easily, not reading more into the situation that what it actually is, learning from mistakes and not holding grudges from previous incidents makes the life a lot easier and smooth.
Lending a hand when needed. Don’t be oblivious to situations. There is no your world and my word. Be a little attentive and helpful.
Appreciate each other at the end of the day. Keep the good qualities of your partner written somewhere. Make a point to look at it when you are angry with them, it will make us understand that all humans are imperfect, current bad trait doesn’t wipe out their entire goodness.
Clear Communication and addressing things when both are calm and quiet and not when angry. Ignoring the matters may lead to harboring of dislike and it will burst out in an ugly manner when it gets too much.
Address what is bothering you. Each can explain what the other can do. So that if any needs are unmet, a solution could be worked out.
The Divorce card or the Word separation
Don’t throw the word around often. It doesn’t need to come into the conversations at all. A broken marriage is what the devil desires after polytheism.
Mini disputes and quarrels should never reach that D-word. Keep that card locked away in closet and throw the key.
Only desperate times calls for desperate measures. That should be the last thing one should think of saying to each other.
Among 8 out of 10 cases where couples are unhappy, this is one of the significant reasons that husband brings divorce in every little situation.
What if God makes it a reality? Is it so easy to give up on each other? That move has no goodness. Avoid it and see the difference for yourself.
Guilt should mellow us down, it should not make us defensive or aggressive. A simple apology does the trick. Do not go about it in the round about way.
Emotions count more than materialistic things. Being logical is great but sometimes giving heart an edge over brain works better.
Give your home an ambience where both the partners feel happy and positive.
Don’t make rules so rigid that one feels happy while the other just think it as never ending maze of work and expectations. It should be place of peace for both of them.
Romance
Doesn’t mean a hi-fi date or extravagance. Sharing a common hobby, spending time with each other over it. Sending a surprise sweet messages. Dressing up for just them. Giving Compliments when the other person makes an effort.
Don’t make the other person feel like “You are equal to one of the walls of our house” – acknowledge their conversations. Pay them attention.
10 minutes of our undivided time. Even sitting in silence should be cosy and comfortable.
Marriage needs work at every phase. Little efforts now and then. Otherwise we would be same as our forefathers.
Dr. Umme Talhah Zareena is an MBBS Doctor, currently living in Dammam Saudi Arabia. She often writes about faith, health and parenting.
